Discovery Day (Riley’s Story)

This day was one of the worst days that I have ever felt! But at the same time, I felt so grateful that this terrible secret I had been carrying for so long was out, my secret was no longer mine to carry alone. I wish I could tell you that I was man enough to go to my wife and tell her I had a problem. But I could never get the courage to let her know. She found my problem in the worst way. I knew I had a problem but never felt like I was that bad. I now could no longer kid myself; I had a significant problem. I finally admitted to myself I had a sex addiction.

I began my addiction when I was only 11 years old. It started just as porn and masturbating, but by the time I was 16, it had increased and moved to sexting. I felt as though it wasn't hurting anyone; it was my way of dealing with life. I had been so addicted I can't remember if there was a day I was sober. Sex was all I thought about. At 17, I slowed my addiction even though I still had issues. I was beginning to allow myself to think about other things other than sex.

I then served a mission when I was 19 to 21 this time frame was the best I have ever controlled my problem. But when I came home, I felt I had everything in control and was ready to rock life. Little did I know that it would only take me three months to begin to fall back into my old habits. But I did not want that in my life. In January of 2012, I said no more. I was not going to let this rule my life. I married Tiffany in July and thought perfect I will never have a problem again. Boy was I wrong. I began to feel unloved by Tiffany. That December, I allowed my addiction back into my life. There were so many times I could have told my wife I was having problems, but never did.

For the next six years, I would be off and on with this problem. Sometimes I would go a month or two of feeling like I was in control, but that wasn't the case. It was just luring me into thinking I had finally gotten control of it, but soon after I would fall to a major temptation.

Riley