Triggers with Addiction

When entering recovery, I had no idea what would make me want to act out in my addiction. Ever since coming into recovery, I have started to become more conscious of what's going on around me and understanding where I can and cannot go due to problems that can come up known as triggers. I began noticing that when I am stressed, bored, or feel insignificant. These things were making me feel the want to act out or cover up how I was feeling. Triggers can come up just because Tiffany, and I get in an argument. Or it can come by walking down the street.

This addiction has been my coping mechanism for when I have felt mad, happy, sad, or excited. It has numbed how I feel about everything. Without this coping mechanism, I have to learn who I am again. I had always told my self I wanted to be the best husband I could be, but I never realized how this addiction affected my thoughts, my feelings or even the way I expected love to be. I now totally understand that porn kills love.

Thoughts: thoughts are super important. As an addict, you always have to know what is going on in your life. There is no more putting it into cruise control and watching your life go down the road. Being proactive about your thoughts are super helpful. Not often do I allow myself to have space-time. What I mean is letting my self go off into daydreaming. If I would allow a thought of someone attractive sit in my mind without replacing it with something productive, you could bet my thoughts were going to be going down the wrong path.

Vision: with a vision not set on the things that are important to you, it is hard to want to be in recovery, let alone be sober. Vision I feel has two parts to it. One is having things help you through the beginning stages and even into the deeper part of recovery. I like the saying about faith. Having faith is like a seed. If you plant it and nourish it, it will grow. I would say that recovery is very similar to this. You usually don't start with a big tree, but you start with something small, and the more you nurture it, the stronger your want for recovery will become. Two is your eyes. What are you looking at, or what are you looking for. The saying probably couldn't be more right on, if you look for it, you will find it in whatever you are doing. This is where being conscious comes into play. If I know what is going on around me, I can be more prepared for what my eyes may see.

Listening: What are you listening to? This can be many things, but what I am consuming with my ears can have a lot to do with where my mind will end up. I pay attention to what is coming in through music, conversation, and even TV. I sometimes would not pay attention to what was being talked about or even words in a song but like a little child, your mind grasps on to more than you would imagine. If you seek good things, you shall find good things if you don't even search for the bad but allow yourself to be around it, it is allowing yourself to look for bad things.

Some people say sing a song, pray, or read something. For me, those things never seem to work. For me reaching out to someone is what helps me through those tough moments. They don't even have to know what is going on in my head but just opening up to someone about anything helps my mind leave what things I may have seen or even thought about.

Everyone is triggered by different things, but the important thing is to look for those things that hit you hardest and begin to process it and make a plan on how you can attack it, or be proactive with your defense. No one can be perfect through this process but trying is important.

Riley