Dealing with Triggers (Betrayal)

Triggers are a tricky thing. You can never fully be prepared for a trigger because you never know the exact moment when one will happen. They will always occur at the worst times.

Where I stayed at home most of the time (especially the first few months after D-day), I get triggered by everything in our house. So what worked best for me was to get outside of the house. Sit on the steps, go for a walk, play with my kids in the sandbox. I made a playlist on my phone of all positive, upbeat songs that were not triggering to me. So I would listen to that playlist on repeat with headphones in and block out the world around me. I would call a friend, read celebrity gossip articles, just anything that would distract my mind from where I was and why I was triggering at that moment.

When triggers happen out in public, it is a lot harder, because sometimes you can't just get up and leave or rock out to music. Usually, if people are paying attention, they can tell when you will be triggered because your facial expression will change without you realizing it, and you will not be acting like yourself at all. You become more closed off.

Dr. Kevin Skinner taught Riley and I to do

"COAL" when a trigger happens. So this works on both ends.

Curiosity- It's okay to be curious about what your trigger is and why you are feeling this way.

Openness- Letting your trigger and feelings in. You have to let yourself FEEL what is going on instead of pushing it away or out of your brain right away.

Acceptance- Accept the fact that this is your reality and where you are now. Accept what it is that you NEED and stop putting it off.

Love and Kindness- Be compassionate, empathetic, and kind not only to others, but most importantly to YOURSELF.

COAL is honestly one of the hardest concepts. I still struggle to do this. Loving yourself and serving others helps you to keep your mind clear and keeps your focus on the right path to recovery and healing.

Another thing that you can do to help (this is where yoga comes in handy) is to breathe slowly. Take a deep breath in through the nose and hold for 5 seconds and breath out through your mouth. Do this repeatedly to help yourself calm down. I do this a lot! Even if I am not triggered, and my kids are just driving me crazy, I will breathe, and it honestly helps so much.

As hard as it is, you can't think of yourself as the victim even if you are. You are a powerful human being in control of your emotions. Choose what you want to feel and feel that way. Fake it till you make it. That's my life's saying. I don't know what I'm doing or how to be in control, but if I act like I have my crap together and do the things above when triggered, I put myself in control. That is what the betrayed needs to do is to BE in control. You are strong, and you are worthy, you deserve all things great and wonderful. Be that person that you want to be. Triggers will come, and they will go at unexpected times. Be in control of your emotions. It is okay to lose it now and then. Just know it takes time and you will learn. Teach yourself. Stick with it, and as always stay positive!