Betrayal Trauma

Whoever thought that was a real thing? I certainly didn't. The things you learn when crap you never imagined would happen to you, hits you like bird crap from the sky.

A few months after D-day (discovery day), we went to see the bishop of our church and told him what had been going on. Our bishop was very kind and empathetic. Especially towards me. So I was very thankful. He said to us how proud he was of us for taking the steps on our own and having a counselor, and the 12 step meetings already into play. He would check up on us weekly and would visit with Riley separately to see how things were going on his end. He gave me a website to look into called bloomforwomen.com. It's $10 a month subscription, but you get a free trial. It has tons of videos for women. It gives you little assignments that go along with the teaching videos. It is also a community of supportive women who understand what it's like and make you feel sane and not crazy.

I have learned so so much from bloom about myself and my husband's addiction. When someone is betrayed in such a way, it can cause symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) there are tons of therapists and people out there that believe it is not a real thing. Just like they don't think pornography or sex addiction is a real thing. Even though betrayal trauma and sex addiction have been happening for years, it is relatively new to the therapy world. Not a lot of people are educated enough on the topic.

Along with PTSD comes depression and anxiety. I was in denial of all these things until December 2017 one week before Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I can listen to Christmas music and watch Christmas movies all year round! Plus I love to give, so I'm always buying Christmas presents for people. Well, this year was different. It didn't feel like Christmas at all, and I was super grumpy and agitated all of the time. I just wanted to sleep the day away. Riley would get mad at me because I could sleep 24/7, or sit on the couch all day and be completely satisfied, which was not like me at all. I began failing as a wife and a mother, and although I felt terrible about it, I didn't have it in me to change. I finally decided to go to the doctor when I started having thoughts of cutting myself. My Dr. put me on antidepressants. I was shocked when my Dr. told me that he deals with this regularly, and there are tons of women and men that he prescribes antidepressants to because of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. He said I should not be ashamed because it's becoming more of a common problem. Which is terrible, but to know your not alone is always a plus. Of course, the antidepressants didn't kick in for six weeks, but they made all the difference. At first, I was ashamed and embarrassed to be on them, but once they started helping me, I realized that it is nothing to be ashamed of because it does not have to be a forever thing, and if it's helping me then I should be grateful to have that.